Sparkle

So my last blog was about a dream I had about my sister and I and how things were so peaceful and happy.

Well in case you didn't know my sister Jakki has been going through a really rough time...she has been incredibly depressed and she has been switching medications but nothing has been working.

It truly breaks my heart seeing her like this because she is my big sister and all I want is her to be happy and she has no motivation to be. In all honesty its exhausting to be someone's cheerleader all the time, to try to help them even though you know they need to help themselves. It's as if I can't be unhappy around her because she is unhappy but I know that's untrue because believe me I have been giving her my problems and having her give me advice in order for her to stop dwelling on herself.

Anyways...so I had that dream the other day...that good one that I knew was a sign of some sort. And a few days later I was on the phone with my sister and it was a day for her that normally she should have been upset and that's why I called her to make sure she was ok and you know what she said? "Actually, I am fine, it is just a day and there are other things to worry about."

I sat in my room shocked, you don't understand my sister has never made a positive statement like that...not ever, and I said that to her, and she started crying and I started crying. And she said that she didn't realize how her depression had been affecting me but it had, and that she was on a new medication and it was actually working and she was actually happy.

You have no idea how great that felt to hear all that from Jakki that day. We had such a heart to heart on the phone and it was very emotional but in such a great way. I adore my sister and I only want the best for her and that is why I have been so torn up over her depression and stuff because it kills me not seeing her at her best when I can't even be there.

I told her about my dream and she thought it was crazy how it all ended up all tying together...I really knew it was a sign...I had a gut feeling about it.

Yay for positive thinking, yay for sisters :)

Sparkle by Phish

The pressure builds, you buy a gift
You're hoping that your dread will lift
It glitters on her like a glass
You shudder as it comes to pass
Apologize to Luce and Lil'
Converse with Ed, a drive with Jill
Your friends confine you in their worlds
One by one, a string of pearls
Confuse you say, this isn't me
You hover in their unity
Ashamed, you slowly lose your grasp
Release the links, undo the clasp
The skin that drips down OFF the tree
And peels back slowly from your knee
Erupts into your lung and heart
You laugh and laughing, fall apart
Laugh and laughing, fall apart(x28)

Laugh and Laughing fall apart(x14)