A Change Is Gonna Come

Ohhhh lifffeeee you confuse me.

So I have been talking to this guy Ryan who has been my friend for about a year now. Ryan is so sweet, he actually expresses himself, he listens to the music I listen to, he is as close to his family as I am to mine, and he gets me. What seems to be the problem then? Well he graduated last year and there is a little something called distance between us. It is about 2 hours from his house to school and about an hour and fifteen or so from his house to mine...which I guess is not that bad. I keep on dwelling on the distance rather then the fact that I found a guy that is really nice and genuine and that is what is important. Anyways, so the other day he told me I was a breath of fresh air, and I asked him to explain what he meant by that. He then explained that in the past he had been attracted to girls that were confident and then he realized that the confidence was arrogance that was hiding a lot of baggage, and in response I said: "and instead here I am this free spirited weird little person" and he said ya but you know who you are and you stand by that and that's what I like about you.

I have been thinking about that statement "but you know who you are and you stand by that and that's what I like about you."

For the longest time I have been trying to work on my confidence and all that stuff and here is a guy who likes me for who I am and appreciates it. I don't know, it just really made me think that sometimes you shouldn't go by what the magazines and books tell you what pretty is, in reality you are who you are, because the people that matter will take notice...it might take some time...but in the end it is worth so much more knowing that it is you in that mirror rather then someone else your pretending to be. My parents tell me this sort of thing all the time, but it took this one guy who actually appreciates me not because he is related to me but because he just does.

I also came to a realization the other day that we are in control of our own happiness. I know that may sound so obvious but not really. So many times we look for a guy or anything in general to make us happy and then it doesn't work out and then we are unhappy...when in reality WE ARE IN CONTROL OF OUR OWN HAPPINESS :).

What brought this on was-I got into a huge fight with one of my childhood best friends, and I am not sure if our friendship is going to make it through the fight. I have done everything I can all these years to keep us going and there is nothing I can do anymore. Well the other day I was really upset and I was thinking it sucks how one person can control my happiness. But that is not true...yes I am sad what has happened but I need to trust that if he was the best friend that I always thought that he was, then it will work out.

And most importantly no one is in control of your happiness. These past few days I completely forgot that and from now on I am going to look after my self like I had been doing this summer.

Someone told me today that I am a ray of sunshine and I don't need anyone to make me cloudy...and it's true as corny as that sounds.

Be the sunshine. Make your own happiness.

A Change Is Gonna Come-Sam Cooke

I was born by the river in a little tent
Oh and just like the river I've been running ever since
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will

It's been too hard living but I'm afraid to die
Cause I don't know what's up there beyond the sky
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will

I go to the movie and I go downtown somebody keep telling me don't hang around
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will

Then I go to my brother
And I say brother help me please
But he winds up knockin' me
Back down on my knees

Ohhhhhhhhh.....

There been times that I thought I couldn't last for long
But now I think I'm able to carry on
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will